It's time to joke

The idea that every citizen concerned: To steal is to earn?.

In a crowded bus is a very fat man in a thick sheepskin coat. It refers to young people:.
- Listen, Uncle, you have removed the sheepskin coat - will be the place where the standing.
- Shall I take off my pants and, for that you will stay....

A young couple came to the South on their honeymoon. They took off from Old ladies room in a private home. The first day did not go, the second, too, a week does not go out and do not eat. Grandma worried, knocking in the room:.
- You live there?.
- Yes!.
- And there do not want?.
- Thank you Grandma, we fed the fruits of love!.
- Well, only the skins of their fruit in the window Do not throw away, and then the goose choke!.

One woman's leg tells the other:.
- Are you not afraid to openly tell me - what do you think about our hostess?.
- Why should I be afraid? .

Man screwed right to the woman and hugged her breasts. She rises and sculpts his ryahu. Guy: - I- I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. Just one person. - Drunk fucking, asshole, smelly goat. - ... ...

There is a lesson in the school. Sit small children, the teacher asks:.
- Guys! .
Little Johnny raises his hand immediately, the teacher:.
- Anyone else?.
Tanya stands up and says:.
- I would have picked up a watermelon in one hand and the other to the other!.
- Umnichka, Tanya! . - And who knows how to move.
3 watermelon?.
Little Johnny pulls back his hand, but the teacher ignores it.
Bob gets up:.
- I 'd take a watermelon in one hand and the other in another, and the third would be planted.
to manhood!.
- Ugh, how horrible, Bob! .
Little Johnny said,.
Then Little Johnny can not stand, and says:.
- Maria Ivanovna, I know how to transfer 5 (!) Of watermelons!.
- Yes? .
- I 'd take a watermelon in one hand and the other in another, and the male.
advantage would be planted Vasya!.


I - Bond. James Bond. I - Damm. Van Damme. Claude Van Damme. Jean- Claude Van Damme.

The boss tells the employee:.
- I noticed that every time you play ...
- Hmm -m. You know, you're right! . Do you think she pretends?.

Comes as a lord drunk man home. His wife meets him with a rolling pin in hand and with the words:.
- Where roamed, a beast? .
- Lucy. the cemetery was.
- Well, someone has died?.
- Do not believe it. they all died!.

Yesterday, in the second hour of the night I got an SMS -ka with the unexpected in my life the question: ' Punch is? .

- Hello, who is this?.
- Natasha.
- What is Natasha? .
- What is what? .
- You know you're here now nichrome did not specify.

It brought the boy had fallen down the drain, shut the door.

- God, why are you so unfair to your servant? . Why, Lord?.
A voice from heaven:.
- Because they do not reach me.

' ABVGDeyka ' - so decided to call their joint mega -holding Russian oligarchs Abramovich Berezovsky, Vekselberg, Deripaska and Gusinsky.

Member, breaking away from the Internet:.
- My son, like exams?.
- Yes, well, - he entered the university is your grandson!....

There is an operation. Assistant surgeon in command:.
- scalpel. - swab. - a clip. - swab. - alcohol.
- a clip. - swab. - alcohol. - All alcohol. Remember.

English lesson. Settled in the back row man - checks.
of RONO. Young teacher wrote on the blackboard and the English phrase.
asks students to translate. The class is silent, and suddenly, with the penultimate.
Little Johnny 's hand draws desk. The teacher hesitated, but do.
nothing - has caused.
Little Johnny:.
- That Butt. Now would be planted!.
The teacher, blushing with shame:.
- Little Johnny, how could you!.
Little Johnny, turned to the man:.
- You do not know English - there is nothing to suggest!.

Depending on the tone of a single obscene word mechanic Tarasova can mean up to 50 different parts and accessories.

- Well, the normal pulse.
- Doctor, take my left hand! .

President Medvedev announced that he would personally check the apartment and suddenly.
porches of houses. Comes with its environment in the next. There is no elevator.
working circle lying empty bottles, scraps, scraps of cellophane in.
one corner of a lot of shit in the other - a drunken bum.
- What is it? . - What is this mess, I.
you ask? .

- The fifth the size of the breast - this is about someone?.
- In S..
- And the sixth?.
- A sixth - is Ass.

- What is Skype? .

We sat in the kitchen, drinking tea, I wanted to ask her to pour me another, but misspoke and accidentally said, ' Bitch! You ruined my life! '.
- Doctor, obsession - is grounds for divorce?.
- No, on the contrary, the basis for marriage.

- Debunking worth fifty euros -.
Pop says to her husband. husband:.
- So Expensive?.
- What do you mean expensive? .

Petechka - Vovochke:.
- What do you think the teacher a new French?.
- In general, it is as a protective film on the screen of the new phone.
- So?.
- I want to take and pull!.

A man - a psychologist:.
- I want a divorce.
- Reasons?.
- There are many reasons. But most importantly: I'm married!.

My husband bought furniture assembled wall. wife:.
- Do not finish it. If you open the door of the lower, middle door opens and hits on the head.
- I completed the. The lower section for things Tiffany.

Before his execution on death row comes to pop:.
- I'm here to help you communicate with God.
- Why do I need for this you? After an hour I'll talk to your boss in person.

A friend - a friend:.
- Are you cheating on her husband?.
- Do you?.
- Answer me, I first asked.
- No, let's you're first.
- You do not have to answer all clear.

Ivanov says the ass:.
- Father, I want to divorce his wife. It is cold and the woman does not love me.
Pop sends his wife and Ivanova tells her in his presence, to kiss her husband. Kiss released a long and hot. Pop - Ivanov:.
- See, this woman is passionate and thirsty!.
- Do not argue, just that the wife of Peter Ivanov, and I am Sidor.

- It seems that Madame Ivanova yet learned how to cook.
- Why do you think that?.
- Her third husband is alive!.

Rabinowitz comes to grocery shop, and asks:.
- How much does a ham?.
As soon as he comes out into the street, a storm begins. Powerful thunder shakes the neighborhood. Rabinowitz looks up to heaven and said in a conciliatory tone:.
- What is it, we can not even ask?.

What a sad woman does not dream to become a gay widow.

A friend - a friend:.
- You are my husband and I over the hill are not going to blame?.
- No, he's in my travel abroad.
- Nuclear physicist?.
- Fool!.

When buhoy and aggressive controller train back home, his family rush from room to room.

- I raised a son, built a house and planted a tree. Mom, can I at least now I'll go for a walk?.

Two blondes meet one another:.
- Yesterday I almost saw your husband!.
- What is it?.
- Do you ' Opel ' with the number 354?.
- Yes.
- So I saw the same ' Opel ' with the number 353!.

- What is it about more than an hour in the shop told our boss?.
- On the economy of labor time.

Comes the morning my wife home from work and sees that her husband bags under the eyes.
- Again, all night drinking?.
- Well, where does the drinking? .
- And where are they?.
- The glasses fell asleep!.

He gathered his three sons, father and asks:.
- My sons tell me, honestly, who among you this morning, we pushed a wooden toilet in the river and swam away.
In response to the silence.
- Do not be afraid, the children, so remember Grandpa Lenin. When he was little, he cut down a cherry in the garden, and when his father asked him and his brother, who did it, he frankly admitted, and for this he had nothing.
It turns out the middle brother, and says:.
- It's me Dad.
His father grabs his belt and let it soak.
The son yells:.
- Dad, how did Lenin, cherry?.
Father:.
- When Lenin sawed cherry, her father did not sit.

Respectable English lady explains the cause of a new family doctor services out of the previous family doctor:.
Lady:.
- You know, our former doctor was treating my husband from pneumonia, and husband died of tuberculosis.
Doctor:.
- Do not worry, ma'am, if I do you 'll be treated for pneumonia, you will die from it and the same.

- Do not make me an idiot!.
- I am not to blame, blame nature!.

In the tutorial:.
- Little Johnny, who said: ' Learn, learn and study again! '.
- Well, it certainly was not me!.

- Is it true that you have to Armenia with meat is bad?.
- No, no, the meat is well! .

Rzhevskij at the banquet:.
- I'll go take a leak!.
- Lieutenant, well, who says so? .
Rzhevskij out, comes back and reaches for a glass of.
- Lieutenant, would you even rinsed his hands.
- Oh, do not worry, madam! .

- You know, I'm always looking for the meaning of life painfully, and I can not find it.
- And in the fridge is not? .

My wife decided to file for divorce. Her lawyer asked:.
- And what do you want to present as a reason?.
- My husband of 5 years that we have been married only three times performed his marital duties!.
- Excellent. With such accusations at the hands can be assumed that the victory in our pocket. And you have kids?.
- Of course, five of them!.

In the hospital room comes a man in a white robe and asks:.
- Who yesterday was taking tests?.
- Well, I do, but what?.
- What is your height?.
- And what does this growth, the doctor?.
- I am not a doctor, I am a carpenter.

Mom, how many times you say I do not ' fuck ', I - hacker.

- In stock spoiled 2 tons of printed products.
- Yes there could deteriorate, it is not a grub!?.
- Calendars.

- Waiter, why do I have a hearing aid in the soup?.
- Excuse me, what did you say?.

It is bad when the wife is young and constantly sick. Even worse, when my wife.
old, and, moreover, strong as a rock.

- Mr President, you have long wanted to ask you on what basis.
dismiss the generals?.
- To me, Mr Prime Minister, the programmers of the new Administration.
computer ... in the evening.
- Play, and in the morning sign Ordinance.

- And here is the site of President Medvedev nobody ever crack.
- Because he is so well protected?.
- Because it is all a shit.

Deciding to look for the facades of Potemkin villages, the president was nicknamed scared governors ' bear - rod '.

Rulers come and go, but the people remain. On the nose!.

If you do not know what you want, get what was left.

4 years ago began to appear on the streets of speed bumps, but the.
look, - rose, recovered.

Educated people sitting at the banquet table will never be.
blowing in the tablecloth, if he is behind the window.
curtain.

- Why did the ambulance driver can safely have a Shawarma and other street.
fast food?.
- Because he wait for an ambulance is not needed.

In Russia, released a triple cologne in a new package with a big sign.
(20 %) - ... Dealers said that its sales dramatically.
increased and there is a shortage of.

- And here I am, if peresplyu with someone, then that person lives in a coffin.
- Tell me!.
- Yes, ask who you want!.